Day 3 was a near disaster. I chew and spat a chocolate chips cookie. i was so weak (mentally not physically). the thing is I don't even like choocolate. I went for a run yesterday. I made it like a mile and a hlaf. I really need to run mre I really need to get thn the snner the beeter but this isn't a diet it's a life style every day count make the most of it. I keep telling myself that.  can wait to buy skinny clohte and be a akinny me not just thin but skinny. Yester I was on theskinnywebsite.com with a fried and I had to preten I didn't wan't to be that thin. I look at ashley simpson in awew reall. i hope and pray and try. My mornin weight was 170.2 down 6.2 pound keep it up metabloims and I rewad you with ABC

Day 1 was brutal I was so hungry for most of the day. The weirdest thing is that I didn’t want real food, I didn’t want Shells and cheese (one of my favorite binge foods) I really had an unexplained craving for Korean roasted seaweed. Normally I would have bought it because it only like 25 cal. per serving but I’m on a liquid fast and I’m determined to be 20 pounds thinner by my birthday.

                I had to go to the strip mall to buy more fasting supplies, mainly a lemon squeezer some more lemon, a knife, and a scale. (Love that scale!) The Wal-Mart was like temptation aisle every were you the food section is right in the front. The good thing is that there were lot of obese people to act as revere trigger by the end of the trip I was determined to walk down the food aisle and look at it in disgust. In addition, I swear that from a distance the sign that said cookie said “calories” it probably just because I need glasses but every little bit helps.

                The grocery stores worse I had to buy sea salt and senna tea and as soon as I walked in there was the smell of cooking food. The organic section where I had to buy the tea is just across from the section where they have sushi (wtf).  However, I prevailed through the trip refuse to even consider buying any food except the lemons. However, at checkout, I was talking kindly to this nice older man who I spotted buying strawberries, (I love strawberries) and he mentioned they were own sale 2 for 1. He had more groceries then I did so he was still bagging when I was finished. And then he GAVE ME THE FUCKING EXTRA STRAWBERRIES! I know he was just being nice but why then. So I had to carry my groceries home with the smell of ripe strawberries in the bag. I called a friend en route to my place to give them away so I would not have been tempted to eat even one. Seriously why are people so nice when need it least and never nice when I need it most?

                As for the fasting. The lemonade isn’t so bad. I started to crave it really. The funny thing is I just feel like I need to chew something. Even when I’m full and I’m drinking 4 quarts of liquid a day so I’m full I would buy gum but that’s just opening a flood gate. For the record the sea salt and warm water enema thing works a little too well god I had to go to the bathroom like 5 times in 2 hours. I didn’t have any other craving except for the laver and you ready for the best news I lost 3POUNDS YIPPE me. I am so going to keep this up it is amazing.

I'm through with this fat shit. I have been eating like a hog forever. And worse off I stopped purging for like 2 weeks. I should know better but I'm going on a liquid diet until my birthday which is 9 days from now. I'm going to break fast then but start right back up the next day. Fuck eating food fuck being fat. Fuck not flirting with the one guy I like because he'll think I’m fat and not worthy. If I don't lose weight take me outside and shoot me.

So here I am starting the master cleanse. I need to keep posting so I can keep myself motivated I need to do this. In fact I want to do this several time. I also need to check the times the gym is open. If it isn’t fuck it I’ll go running I’ll run at let three miles a day. If I can walk 6 I can run three right? Plus who gives a fuck if anyone sees me getting thinner they see me fat all the time right? So I’m going to post every day that I’m on the cleanse, kinda like that blog but better because it will be me.

Breakfast lunch and dinner will consist of Lemon juice Maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. I haven’t bought the herbal laxative yet because I don’t think I’ll need them. If I Do I get them. I’ll even run the mile to the market to lose more weight. I hear that it’s amazing.  I hope so need a miracle.

 I want to lose 20 pounds this month. i think i can do it but i'm so lazy. i can even stop myself from eating most time but i don't want to work out unless i can do it alone. I don't want people looking at my fat jiggling as I run. I don;t want to deal with the embarassment. maybe I go running at 2 am everyday. That way no one will be up. Fuck I have to do something.
        I have eaten a regular meal in about 6 days. on Thursday i ate more then i should have and even if I puked I still felt really fat. I've been better since though. I had a 6 day yesterday and I was under but It was hard. i went out with my sister and she bought Mcdonald's. i bought jerky because it was only 130cal a serving and I only ate like 10 pieces. i didn't want to eat but she would have gotten suspicious if i didn't eat anything. Any way she bought a big mac and ate it in the car in the parking lot. It disgusted me. plus she she took so long that our parking space expired. I had to go inside and repay. i didn't mind it was good execise.